For the past few weeks, its been really hard for to me fall asleep at night. I know the main reason for why that is so is because I’m pregnant. I’m almost in the third trimester; I’m 27 weeks along. My back and shoulder are always aching. I get frequent heartburn. I have to pee all the time. Lately, the longest I have stayed asleep without having to wake up to use the bathroom was 4 hours. I would wake up, pee, then wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. In fact, that’s the kind of state I’m in right now. On top off all these pregnancy symptoms, I’ve been stressing out.
I keep worrying about balancing work, being a wife and a mother. Every night, I stare into the whites of my bedroom walls thinking about the kind of life I can offer to my unborn child. No offense to anyone, but I don’t want to be one of those moms who rely on their parents to watch their kids while I was at work. Your own child ends up calling your parents “Mom” and “Dad” instead. I also don’t want to be a full-time stay-at-home mom when I have two good hands to work. Gotta make that money for a savings for future vacations, college for our kids, and backup. Although, I don’t have any family members who are free to watch my child, my Hubby does. But I don’t want them to look at my child as a burden. They have lives too.
Yesterday, my Aunt in-law offered to babysit. I was a bit relieved but I still feel guilty. Hubby calmed me down and told me everything will be just fine. We’ll put baby in daycare on the weekdays, bring him to his Aunt’s place on Saturday, and I’ll stay home possibly Sunday-Tuesday. Sounds like a good plan to me, though I’m still laying here in bed stressed out about it.
Sigh…I worry too damn much.
Another thing that’s bothering me is my Hubby’s siblings reactions to our name choice for our baby boy. We picked a simple, common name: Ethan. The name means “firm & string”. I have never met an Ethan in my life. The only Ethans I can associate the name with are: Ethan Hawk, Ethan from Mission impossible movies, and Ethan Allen furniture. Lol.
They (Hubby’s sibs) all don’t like it. They say its too plain, too common…not unique. All of his siblings are strongly opinionated, and I respect that. But how do you think it makes us feel when we say the name and you yell out, “I don’t like that name”? Well, is it your baby to name? I wouldn’t tell you what kind of name to name your children because whatever you name your child is what feels right to you. Who am I to say how you should feel towards a name?
At first it wasn’t a big deal to me that they voiced their opinions. But we’ve heard them say it quite a few times. Hubby comes from a family of eight…so we don’t just hear it once. I don’t care what they say, we are still naming him Ethan, but every time they say they don’t like it, its hurtful to me. I sit on my couch or lay in my bed, rubbing my belly and talking to him. “Ethan, move for mommy and daddy. Kick for us.” Then we feel him kick. Such a beautiful thing to experience. So when I hear a negative mark toward the name, its hurtful. I’ve already been bonding with my son with that name, respect that. Our next child…I won’t tell anyone what we’re gonna name him/her.
On a positive tone, my heart just melts when Hubby is talking into my belly and listening for Ethan to move. Its the cutest thing. ^_^ Despite all the stress I’ve been allowing myself to feel, I wouldn’t change anything. I feel so blessed to have Hubby in my life and to carry his child. He’s going to be an amazing father. I always said I wanted to get married by 27 and have a baby by 29. Didn’t work out exactly like that, but pretty darn close. I’m 27, engaged, and will be a mother in a few months. 2011 was a crazy year for me.
February 14th, got out of a 4.5 year relationship. After that, I did not want to be with anyone because I was so emotionally drained and I completely lost sight of who I was as a person.
Started dating Hubby on March 18th, 2011. At first, I just wanted it to be something light but quickly realized that the man of my dreams really did exist. One of the greatest feelings is having someone know everything about you and they still love you for you. For once, I completely trusted someone and felt totally comfortable being myself. Everyone judged and thought we were crazy. Hello, we’re well into our mid 20s…we know our own hearts. Lol. People still think that we’re just in the “in love” stage…but believe me, I have never felt love like this for anyone. Period.
July 19th, we got an apartment together. First time Hubby has lived away from his family. I’ve been living on my own since I was 19. I was a little nervous, but it turned out that we felt like we’ve been living together for years. One of the best ways to get to know someone is to live with them. No complaints here.
July 28th, found out I was pregnant. Ethan is a planned, unplanned baby. Hubby and I knew without a doubt that we wanted to grow old with each other so we weren’t “careful”. Plus, we’re at the perfect age to start a family. Our son will be the first grandson for both sides of the family. :)
Nov 7th, I believe, we got engaged.
April 10th, 2012 is Ethan’s due date. I’m really excited to meet my little man. (: I hope he looks for like daddy. I think Hubby is one of the cutest babies I’ve seen (referring to his baby pictures).
So yeah, 2011 was by far the best year of my life. 2012 will be such a journey for Hubby and I. I’m excited and ready for it. (:
